The Vanas: Opening their hearts and their home to teenage foster children

It's difficult for many of us to understand what it's like for a child in the foster care system. But Donna Vana, one of FaithBridge Foster Care's foster parents, understands only too well the feelings of abandonment and hurt that come with being removed from your home. She has used that knowledge to provide a loving, nurturing home for foster children both in her home state of Kentucky and now here in Georgia.   

"I was given up by my mother," said Donna, who was sent by her biological mother to live with an aunt and uncle when she was just a newborn. The placement was not ideal. The couple was not equipped to deal with a child, especially one going through such an emotional upheaval. With her unhappiness evident, Donna was eventually taken at the age of three to live with another aunt and uncle - a placement with a much different outcome.   

"I knew that I was wanted there," she said of the family who would go on to raise her to adulthood. However, the transition wasn't without its challenges. Despite her young age, Donna realized she could manipulate people, and she tested her new family by refusing to speak or to cooperate at the breakfast table. But instead of becoming angry, her aunt was calm and accommodating. "I knew at that moment that she knew how to play my game," said Donna. "From then on, I wanted to please them and was the best child anyone could ask for."   

Donna's childhood experience made her particularly sensitive to the needs of foster children, and she began fostering with her first husband while living in Kentucky. She estimates that she fostered as many as 40 children during that time. Over the years, several moves and a new marriage brought Donna to Georgia and to First Baptist Church Woodstock, where she heard Pastor Johnny speak about foster care and FaithBridge Foster Care.

"After I heard the pastor mention the foster care program, it really gnawed at me for a while," she said. "I wanted to again foster children but wasn't sure how my husband would feel." Her husband, Jay, agreed he too would like to foster children and the next day after his paperwork was complete, the Vanas received two placements, a 16-year old girl and a 13-year old boy who are siblings and four weeks later an 18-year old boy.  While many foster parents are reluctant to consider a placement with even one teenager, the Vanas enthusiastically welcomed three.

"We told FaithBridge from the beginning that we wanted teenagers," said Donna. "I have learned that teenagers need a lot of love and understanding. If we don't catch them now and show them there is a different way of life than screaming and abuse, they're going to follow that same path with their children. We love working with teenagers."

Donna's years of experience as a foster parent has given her the tools she and Jay need to manage the unique joys and challenges that teenagers bring to a household. She acknowledges that there's a honeymoon period for about 30 days, and then they begin to test boundaries. "You have to show them that you're there for them through anything," she said. "They're always free to talk." The Vanas host a family meeting every Saturday where the children are free to express their feelings without fear of punishment or retribution. "People don't give children a voice," she said. "We tell them, 'If you're right on your viewpoints, we're willing to change as adults. If we have a different viewpoint and a good reason why the rules are the way they are, the rules have to stay that way.' We're not too closed-minded to change."

By showing the children love and respect, and expecting respect in return, the Vanas have created an environment where all three children have thrived. "We have all bonded as family," Donna said. "The kids never go to bed without coming and giving us a hug."

Donna knows that her life might have taken a very different path had she not been placed in a loving, nurturing home as a child. She now sees fostering as a calling. "God always knew where He was going to use me," she said. "I felt that being given up at birth wasn't a misfortune?God knew before me where my calling in life was to be. I feel that fostering children and especially teens is where God has called Jay and me to use our talents. Teenagers are God's special children and we are grateful to FaithBridge to  have given us the opportunity to open our home to teens."