04/01/09 - Fantastic Families Step 1: Commit to Your Family

 

The first step in building Fantastic Families is committing to your family. Commitment is the bedrock on which every family must be built. When each family member knows that the others are there and will always be there, that family has the ability to develop the five other characteristics that make them strong and happy. Six characteristics of commitment exist in strong families. These include commitment to:

Marriage: One of the most important gifts parents can give to their children is a happy marriage. Children who grow up in a home with parents who love and respect one another are happier than those who grow up surrounded by anger, hurt feelings and resentment. But a happy marriage doesn't happen by luck or happenstance. It takes work and perseverance. Too often two people who love one another get caught up in life's day-to-day activities and before they know it, they've drifted apart from one another. To cultivate strong families, the goal isn't just to stay married; it's to be committed to making the marriage all that it can be.

Each Individual: Commitment isn't just to the family as a unit or between husband and wife; it's also to each individual in the family. In strong families, everyone in the family cares for and looks out for one another. They give work to develop shared goals and interests and they give one another 100%. As one workshop attendee put it, "Each of us is important, sort of like the Three Musketeers - 'one for all and all for one.'"

Putting First Things First: Many of us have the best intentions when it comes to our families, but then - as the saying goes - life gets in the way. We find that our energy becomes consumed by things like work or friends or volunteering or any number of other commitments we have in our lives. Strong families recognize that no matter what is happening in our lives, we have to make family a priority - even if it means sacrificing other things.

Honesty: Honesty means that family members can count on the integrity of one another - through thick and thin. It doesn't refer to the so-called honesty that borders on verbal abuse, nor does it discount the importance of tact. Simply stated, it means that as family members, we can rely on the word of each other.

Family Traditions: Whether it's participating in a special meal on Christmas Eve or it's getting together for a cookout every Fourth of July, family traditions are an important way for families to bond and to create special memories. When strong families make traditions, those traditions build an awareness of the unique and loving relationship you have with one another.

The Long Haul: Let's face it, being a part of a family isn't always easy. There are times when the people who we love so much are also the people who make us angrier than we ever thought possible. And of course, there are always difficult times on life's journey. But strong families recognize that they are not just there for one another when times are good and everyone is happy; we are there for one another during the difficult and painful times as well.

Think about the ways your family is committed to each of the above. Are there areas where you can improve? To foster commitment within your family, consider reading good books as a family or renting movies that deal with commitment and discussing them afterward.

Next week, we'll talk about expressing appreciation and affection.